A wife comes home from playing golf with her friends. “How was your day?” her husband asks.

“It was just awful,” she replies. “I got stung by a bee.”

“Oh, that must’ve hurt. Where’d you get stung?” the husband asks.

“Between the first and second holes,” she tells him.

“Hmm,” he says. “Sounds like your stance is too wide.”

I'm not going soft, but sometimes I like these heart-warming stories, and this one truly is amazing. Enjoy


In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Dan , lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.

oh my gosh!! hahahaha... not a funny ending but its a story that has you going for a moment!!

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go
into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane
in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself
as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the
playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went
back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped
her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off,
then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want
to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his
story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw
Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he
was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy
started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when
Daddy was in the Army."

Mommy fainted!

To funny!!!!

Two young nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even one single drop of paint on their habits. After discussing it, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'

Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"
"Sarah honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

Good one Hannah

Two Chimps and a Blonde

> A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
> flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to
> the
> car and asked, 'Are you going to San Diego?'

> 'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift?'

> 'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
> problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to
> the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep
> them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for
> me?

> I'll give you $100 for your trouble.'

> 'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
> into
> the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat
> belts. Off they went.

> Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San
> Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!

>
> There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the
> two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
>
>
> With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
> blonde
> What the heck are you doing here?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take
> these chimpanzees to the zoo.'
>

> 'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde, ' but we had money left
> over---so
> now we're going to Sea World.

Little Michael was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.

"It's called sexual intercourse", she replied.

Little Michael just said, "Oh, okay" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!

Holy Cow!!!!

Run Grandma Run !

These men are installing and setting solid steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a sports bar in downtown Norman, OK. Wonder how long until they realize where their van is parked.

now to ruin the picture.. i just read that the pillars are removable at the bottom or something...

still a funny picture!

Still funny

That's too funny

A dyslexic man walks in a bra...

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those
Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To

Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat

'I do not Have a Headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache.'






It Worked! The headaches are all gone.'

The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.'

His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball

Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the

Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'

The husband agrees to try it




Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his

Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He Puts her on The bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'

The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.' He goes

Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With

That, He goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,

She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

'She's not my Wife.

She's Not my wife.

She's not my wife...'

Holy Moly!!

Sometimes these 'heartwarming' stories are a bit too sappy for me but this one is truly interesting...


In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar
with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.


He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He screamed, "Stop calling me."

I said, "Make me."

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole."

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass."

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).



If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.



If you should come into contact with WORK, take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.



You should share this warning with 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life!!

Both of those have me rolling!

Mine came from Ron one of my bosses - I sent you a copy of his book Jimmy

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the
end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments


C O W S

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad
cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost
three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of
Washington ? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are
unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.



T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .. Why don't we
just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it
has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.


T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse is this:

You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit
Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

So true

That IS true!!!

Very true

A man dies and appears at the Pearly Gates. “Have you ever done a good deed?” asks St. Peter.

“Sure, one time I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a woman,” the man says. “I walked up to the leader and punched him in the face, kicked over his bike, and told him, ‘You leave her alone or you’ll answer to me.’”

“That was very brave of you,” says St. Peter. “When did this happen?”

“About two seconds ago.”

ST. PETER'S GATE



It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.


So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, 'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'

'No problem, the man said. 'I came home to my 25Th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.


But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.


Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator.
I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.'

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, 'OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven' and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump.

'Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died.'

Trump said, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26Th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!


Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground , unable to move and in

excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things,

off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me,

killing me instantly.'


The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.

'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself.

'Very well,' the Angel announces. 'Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven' and he lets Trump enter.


A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak.

Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, 'Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died.'

Clinton says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......

Glad you liked it came from CA but it has been around

The Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, very unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,'Hell no they ain't.
The older one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter 'I just find it hard to believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart'.

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

A
little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The
father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find
out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room
on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and

we
met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where
your mother agreed
to a
download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered
that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late
to hit the delete
button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:



Scroll
down...You'll love this
.....























'You
got Male!'

BIRTHDAY REMINDER

This week we celebrate a special birthday!

Monica Lewinsky turned 34.

Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. ?

They grow up so fast, don't they?

Both of those are

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

to all of the above!

I just love blonde jokes

Warning this is a dirty joke!

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet.

"Leave it with me," says the mechanic. "Come back in 20 minutes."

So, off goes the penguin. It's a pretty hot day, and he's a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren't very good at eating ice creams – the lack of opposable thumbs makes it tricky. So by the time the penguin has finished his 99, he is completely covered in ice cream. It is all over his beak and all over his flippers. Feeling a little sticky, he goes back to the garage.

"Oh, hello," says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.

"Hello," replies the penguin. "Was it anything serious?


"Not really, but it looks like you've blown a seal."

"Oh no, no, no!" says the penguin, wiping his mouth. "It's just ice cream."

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you
wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”
The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
The second kid replies, “Whoa, good luck buddy, I
had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

One Wednesday, little Billy went to school. The teacher said, "For the next three days, I will be asking a trivia question, if anyone answers any of them correctly, they won't have to come to school on Monday.

The first question was, "How many grains of sand are on all the world's beaches?" No one knew, not even little Billy. Suddenly, a paper airplane flew across the room. "Okay," said the exasperated teacher, "who's the comedian with the paper airplane?" No one knew, not even little Billy.

On Thursday, the question was, "How many stars are there in the Milky Way?" No one knew, not even little Billy. Suddenly, a gigantic, phlegm soaked spit wad embedded itself on the blackboard behind the teacher. "Okay," exclaimed the frustrated teacher, "who's the comedian with the spit wad?" No one knew, not even little Billy.

On Friday, little Billy brought to school with him two, large, black bowling balls and hid them under his desk. At the precise moment before the teacher asked the day's trivia question, Billy rolled the two bowling balls down the aisle and they struck the wall behind the teacher with a massive jolt. "Okay," huffed the now infuriated teacher, "who's the comedian with the big black balls?" Little Billy answered quickly,

"Eddie Murphy, see you next Tuesday."

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take
this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry"..
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.

He turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"? The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third blonde continued... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

That is to funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!